The Reflection of Neediness: Have You Ever Been This Angry?

Some times in life, no matter how much you pray and/or meditate, there are going to be things that happen to steal your joy.  Curve balls are going to fly your way.  In fact, it is my belief that those things only come along to see how hard they can push your gas pedal.  I truly believe little demonic minions are spawn by Satan himself to do more than kill, steal, and destroy.  These little nothings are sent from hell to send you and me right to the front row seat of Anger Management :-)

It's so disheartening to know this.  It's so disheartening to keep a sunny disposition when we know any given time, the grim reaper will come to not collect just yet but to poke holes in everything that is good.  Whenever you get too comfortable living your best life, smiling at the world, singing while cleaning the house, dancing while fixing breakfast, and kissing your spouse good night those stories sadly end as stories do often right in the middle of the story.

So, here is the story of one of those grim reaper moments.  

One of my girlfriends called me up to say nothing.  It was during snuggle time.  Yes!  Honey and I had just settled down for a long winters nap.  I'm certain the phone call was about nothing in particular.  Slap me now because I opened the door to the reaper.  Yeah, I did that.  Again, I was more than convinced my friend called to say nothing.  Therefore, my plan was to let her know that I would call her later.  

Okay she said something but what she said was of no substance or value whatsoever, at the beginning.  Well, to be honest, she talks about nothing quite often but nevertheless, I love her and often times she is pretty fun to be around.  Anyway, on this particular day, I felt really really good about life, my friend, and getting back to snuggle time with my boo.  You know one of those, "nothing can get me down" days.  My friend called me up to let me know that this was the last time she would take any more crap from Jesse (her husband).  Here we go, I thought.  Here goes another one of her nothing rants.  One of those rants that lead to, "girl he's my man and I guess if this is all he's doing then we can make it work.  It could be worse."  

Then we usually hang up after that or move on to a little more something about nothing.  Not this time.

A little background:

Jesse was always making excuses for not paying the bills.  I really like Jesse.  He's a good man.  I know just like my friend knows that Jesse has a gambling addiction but neither one of us ever say anything about it.  Because I believed in the sanctity of marriage, I don't feel it is something I'll add to our conversations, especially if my friend hasn't or doesn't.  

I knew Jesse had a gambling problem before they married.  He always have been a very hard worker and never seems to allow his family to go without anything.  However, when the casino came to our city I said it was a good money maker for the city but would possibly be the cause of many divorces as well.  Now, every other Friday my friend's husband is spotted at the casino, even until the next day.  My next door neighbor's son's girlfriend works there.  She told my friend where she could find her husband if she ever needed to.  What a hot mess!  

That's why I stay in my lane.  Too much!  

Any who, being the friend I am, I remained on the line listening just long enough to hear my friend say, "girl I am through."  I thought she meant she was through with the conversation.  Oh no, she meant she was through with Jesse and wanted me to help her take his things to him over to where she said he lived...the casino.  I explained to her that I am here for her but going over there with that man's things in tow was not something I wanted to sign up for.  Before I could say any more, she began to flip the script ON ME!

If it were you, I would do it.  There would be no question about it.  Remember the time your daughter missed three days in a row at work?  Who wrote out her doctor's note?  ME!  (My friend is a doctor).  Remember how bad you wanted to tell your husband you didn't like the ring he bought you and you pretended it was too small.  Therefore, you pretended it couldn't be resized and ended up exchanging it for another one...more expensive?  Remember the night you stayed over my house because your mother-in-law came to town and got on your nerves as soon as she stepped foot in your house?  Remember...forget that...I know the type of friend you are.  You are a "fair weather friend".  Our friendship is based on me giving you loyalty and love.  You are all talk and no show.  Love is, what love does!  Oh, I see, you don't have any of these problems I have  right now; you think you are better than me don't you?  You always have!  You think you %$IT don't stink.  You think your children are better than mine.  (That is the last time she's going to bring up my kids).  You think your man is God's gift to the world.  Well sweetie...well Miss Perfect..You think your man is only your man too don't you? Well, guess what? As you sit over there in your glass house and judge me and Jesse, your man is doing the same thing.  Well, not the same thing but he's doing something probably worse.  You ain't no better than me Miss Thang.  And one more thing...

Finally, I hung up.  I hung up on ONE MORE THING.  I was LIVID!  I was angry.  Angry is not the word I felt.  I was mad as hell.  All the things I've gone through with that lady to only get punched in the nose.  A punch in the nose is exactly what that phone call felt like.  I can't believe I listened to her rant that long. I can't believe the conversation had turned out to be about ME and how bad of a friend I am. What in the world...who in the world was I dealing with?  After all these years I had not seen this person.  I've never seen her go off like that, especially not on me.  I never knew she had it in her to be honest. Although all my emotions were all over the place, I contained them during the entire mess of a one sided conversation.  My husband didn't know what had transpired.  Thank God he had dozed off long time ago.

After some time had gone by, I began to understand my friends plight.  My understanding didn't make me forget her showing her a%$ but I do understand.  I understand that hurting people hurt people, especially those closest to them.  I forgave her as she spewed all that venom my way.  I forgive her now.  However, I can't let it go just yet.  I am hurt.  I don't know which way our friendship is going now.  

As I write, I'm still processing everything.  Before I tell you how everything eventually panned out, let me know your thoughts.  I'd love to hear how you would have handled this.